Santa’s Sleigh

The legend of Santa Claus’s sleigh being pulled by a bunch of reindeer in a frigid arctic environment and ascending up to the sky with its extraordinary load of toys was born a little over 200 years ago. On the one hand, this legend goes through the trouble of providing details about the jolly old man Santa Claus and his delivery of toys to children who had been good all around the world. On the other hand, this legend fails to explain how he does it. What makes the sleigh soar through the air? What enables the reindeer to fly? And how can they get around to all corners of the earth in a single night with only Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to light up the way?

I am a pragmatist who needs realistic explanations and so I created my own. Santa Claus is able to navigate his sleigh around the world in a single night because he is well practiced at it, because he invest lots of hard work, because he is judicious about utilizing the various time zones and, most importantly, he has hi-tech equipment, state-of-the-art technology and years of science behind him.

I honestly do not mean to dethrone a beloved mythical figure such as Santa Claus but I owe it to all those who seek knowledge and the truth about him, his sleigh and his reindeer.

Truth No. 1: Santa Claus and his elves do not spend 364 days of the year making toys for good children which Santa delivers on Christmas Eve, day number 365. They spend just a day or so shopping for the toys in large outlets of toy manufacturers where they can get good price breaks and the rest of their time is spent on formulating futuristic technology.

Truth No. 2: Santa’s sleigh may look very out dated but, in fact, it is filled with features that are decades ahead of its time. It is an engineering wonder:

* Its navigational system maps out destinations of billions of children in every corner of the earth including areas where streets have not been paved yet.
* It has a niceometer which provides Santa with a minute-to-minute reports on every child’s behavior.
* Like every other vehicle that you and I are familiar with, Santa’s sleigh has a speedometer that lets Santa know when he has surpassed the speed of light.
* Santa’s sleigh is equipped with a state-of-the-art, hands-free, sleigh phone so that he could communication with Mrs. Claus whenever he pleases. This sleigh phone also enables Santa to wirelessly connect to the World Wide Web to get the latest weather reports and be caught up on the latest news of political unrest and national upheavals which are so very detrimental to his safe travel.
* Santa fuels his sleigh with high-energy liquid gases pumped directly from the celestial milky-way.
* Its highly evolved turbo engine is so advanced that it defies language as we know it today. To preserve valuable energy, it idles every so often and when it does, a herd of reindeer kick their hooves and take over.

Truth No. 3: Santa’s reindeer are highly trained physically as well as emotionally and each has to accrue many years of flight experience before being allowed on the Christmas Eve run.

* These reindeer are fuels with high octane oats and beans which give them the extra air they need for takeoff and plenty of helium enriched fluids for soaring. For landing purposes, the fuel that remains in their system gets ejected through two exit valves.
* Santa’s favorite reindeer, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or Rudi for short, has been promoted to lead the pack and he serves as the headlight for the entire sleigh ensemble. And this single headlight is so technologically advanced that it can never be extinguished.
* The backlighting of this revolutionary vehicle is created by the friction of the sleigh’s runners and the reindeer’s hooves against snow clouds.

Yes, I know that Santa Claus was born a little over 200 years ago when such technology did not exist. But you have to remember that Santa Claus is magical and could, therefore, be ahead of his time and so he is.