How Does Santa Get Down the Chimney

Call me stupid or unenlightened but I am really confused about Santa Claus coming down a chimney. First of all, he is such a fat-bellied guy and unless you have an extra large industrial-size chimney, there is absolutely no way for him to pass through it. I know that you are going to tell me that Santa Claus is magical. But even magic has its limits, doe it not?

I have seen magicians perform amazing deeds but really, this magical Santa Claus has to overcome more than I am willing or even able to accept. Please help me through the process as we retell the story:

* Let us first of all assume that Santa Claus knows exactly how to get to where he is going because he has got a top-of-the-line navigational system Let us further surmise that he also knows which chimney belongs to which child, but how? Maybe through a DNA code of the smoke coming out of it or maybe its fingerprints? Or maybe, just maybe the smoke is signaling him?
* Secondly, Santa Claus is approaching in a toy-filled sled that is streaking through the night sky as it is being pulled by a pack of reindeer with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer leading the way. How does Santa get off the speeding sled and onto the roof where the chimney is located? Does the sled park on the roof? How can it do that on roofs that are sloped? Does it remain hovering over the chimney into which Santa gets hoisted directly into? Or does the sled zoom on its way and drops Santa into the chimney as it passes by?
* Thirdly, let us contemplate the reindeer. How can the reindeer fly through the sky with no wings? If they too are magical, why does Santa need so many of them? Are they tethered to something to keep them from running away?
* Fourthly, what stops the sled from sinking? Does it have a floatation device? Or maybe it is really a helium filled hot air balloon?
* Fifthly, does Santa accrue mileage points for having flown so many miles? Or maybe wingless flights do not count.
* Sixthly, how does Santa compensate for daylight-savings time?
* Seventhly, we have addressed the part about Santa going down a chimney but how does he manage to remain clean? Does soot and smoke not affect magical guys or has Santa been treated with a stain repellant?
* Eighthly, what about the “chestnuts roasting on an open fire”? Is that open fire not in the fireplace and isn’t the fireplace Santa’s landing spot when he comes down the chimney? How does he not get burned? He must be fire resistant.
* Ninthly, once Santa has entered a home through its chimney, how does he then exit it? Back up the chimney? Through a door or a window? Or maybe he walks right through a wall just like ghosts do?
* Tenthly, the story about Santa Claus coming down the chimney originated in Holland. Why then does he not wear wooden Dutch shoes?
* Eleventhly, how does Santa manage to be so quiet upon entering through the chimney that he does not wake anyone up? He is probably outfitter with a silencer.
* Twelfthly and my final dilemma is this as follows: in today’s modern world we have come to realize that overweight is unhealthful and unattractive. Why then does Santa Claus no attempt to lose a few pounds?

If Santa Claus’s magic can do all that, maybe it is not magic after all but a miracle. And if it is in fact a miracle, maybe Santa Claus is a divine being. Many of us ask of God what we ask of Santa Claus and vice versa; would that not be considered praying?